i miss him.

heavy heart

its been a very difficult past couple of weeks. my poor poppy passed away two weeks ago - and i guess im not taking it well. i miss his smiling face. He was always happy to see me, never angry or cross with me, a true rarity. Have you ever had the feeling that the person who loved you most is gone? well i feel that way now. I know thats not true - but you never know a lonesome feeling until the person is gone.
in additon, im embrassed to say I am incredibly disappointed with a couple of my friends. they shall remain nameless because i am probably being overly sensitive this week - but I would never act in a way that would directly harm a friend of mine - close or not - and I feel like my friend/s have done a couple things I think are highly innappropriate recently. I cant really figure out what would make them think their actions would in any way be actions of a good friend - or maybe they werent even thinking about that - which honestly makes it even worse.
my friends that live further away might not be the friends I spend the most time with - but they are the friends of mine that are closer to my heart and the friends I know would never act in a way that would harm me. i miss you my far away friends! At least one of you is coming to visit me next weekend! I need it!

flying like crazy down the highway

this has been a very emotional weekend to say the least! i have a ton of things i need to say - and i have no idea how to say them. gosh, for someone that likes to talk so much, i have no idea what words to use. i feel the need to be honest, not only with myself, but with other important people in my life as well. sometimes there are no words. maybe an action needs to take place instead. maybe then i can get it together - because right now i need that bigtime.
the wedding is drawing near. i have many things to do and many people to call. its very overwhelming. lamest thing ever: people are so rude and keep asking me if i really want to go through with it. WHO says that to someone getting married in 11 days? Do you have absolutely no class? Lame.

it's all in my head

Ive had to much going on this year to even think about writing my thoughts down. I like to be organized, and what's been going on in my head is more like a jumbled mess. We all feel that way some times - don't we?
Here's a quick update from my last blog in November. Shortly after I moved into the house with Andy the house had to be sold. Most of our spring was taken up with getting the house ready for sale and finding a new place to live. We were stressed! Gosh, it was tough to keep it together and go to school. Fortunately, we were blessed. We found a place to live in San Carlos that allowed us to bring Chewie. The house also sold right away with several offers. The timing was tough, but we moved, sold the house, and I took finals all right at the same time. We have amazing friends that have helped us through this time - and now I feel like we are happy in our new home. We still have to put stuff away - but it feels like home already which I think is the most important thing.
Now Andy and I have moved on to planning the wedding. Its not as fun as it sounds, but we are really looking forward to having all of our friends and family together on the big day. We've picked out cake, food, the location, colors, dresses, tuxs, flowers and everything else. Now we are ready to enjoy it. I think we are ready to be married as well. Im excited to see all of our closest friends standing up there with us on our day.
School has been not so fun. It really has taken a lot of encouragement from all of you to keep going. I have my own take on reality. Law school just wasnt the amazing gift I imagined it was going to be. However, I am grateful for all of the other things Ive learned about myself in the process I would have never known. I have discovered some new interests as well.
Thanks to Rachel and Rico I have some cool new camera equipment and I enjoy using it (even though I dont know how). I prefer landscaping to people so far. (Its easier when the subject doesn't move...haha) Here is a picture of the reception site for the wedding.







Here is a picture of Andy - bored - at the vendor meeting :)





I am also taking a short class this summer in Community Property - which I have been enjoying. That was a shock. Never thought I would like that topic! More soon. As I declutter my head I will have more to share.

watching the sun just like you’ll disappear

Tomorrow my condo will be sold. Finally.
It really is a bittersweet event. I LOVED that condo - for many reasons. It was cute and warm with fluffy carpet. It had paint colors I picked out and furniture I liked. I knew where everything was in the cabinets and nothing moved while I was at work. But the thing I think I am going to miss the most is that I could go in, shut the door, and watch the world disappear.
As frustrating as moving has been for me, I think its been worse for Andy. He's lived in, what is now our home, his whole life. Moving my belongings in and trying to make me happy and comfortable has been hard on him. I moved all of the dishes around. I changed the junk drawer in the kitchen to a different drawer, and I made him cut a cabinet off the wall to make room for my refrigerator in the house. I insisted on fitting my red couch in the guest room, changed all the doorknobs to matte black, had him replace the fireplace screen insert with a new one, and even made him put my lamp over by his bed. He's been an amazing sport about it for the most part. He hasn't said no or even tried to change my mind about any of my house warming ideas, even though I can tell he prefer things be left alone. I know eventually everything will be settled, but as most of you know, moving is rarely easy - even if it is for all the right and fun reasons.
In an effort to say goodbye to the condo, heres a non comprehensive list of all of the moments I hope to always remember from the condo in no particular order.

1) picking the paint colors around the carpet I had already decided I had to have.
2) getting the red couch custom made I had always wanted
3) the night I got in trouble with the management because "my children were to loud with their video games"
4) the two weeks I had maxxie
5) coming home from chile with rach and erin
6) annual holiday dessert party number one and number two
7) andrea trying to empty the trash in the closet
8) getting the flat screen and then bringing it inside
9) the night I earned my nickname that stuck, Even Keel - now EK.
10) movies with andy
11) matt waking up thinking he's in china
12) walking home from the carlos club
13) falling off my skateboard on the walkway
14) the wall of shame idea
15) all the pictures on the boards and walls
16) camille's condo photo shoot
17) baking pumpkin cheesecakes
18) putting candy out for halloween
19) the wall street journal subscription that my neighbor eventually took over
20) and my rick barry house warming poster

Here is a picture from when i first moved in. I wont show you a picture of it empty now - bc its kinda sad. For tomorrow, I am planning a list of all of the things I am looking forward to at the house with andy and chewie.

you're my satellite

Chewie was a satellite for halloween. Well, he's being a satellite for all of November, or until he stops biting himself.
We stayed in for Halloween to pass out candy, but only 10 kids came :( It was raining, so I really can't blame them. It didnt phase Chewie though. He's just looking forward to finding a way to obtain the left over candy.

i can't remember when the earth turned slowly

Today it looked like fall outside for the first time this season. It rained last night so the streets were all wet when I went out this morning. The wind must have been blowing, because pine needles and leaves were all over the road. They weren't green though - they were brown and red and orange. I know that didnt happen overnight, but it sure seems like it did. Last week you would have thought it was the dead of summer. The leaves must have been turning color on the trees, but I didn't notice. I didn't notice until they were skewed across the road in front of me. I love fall and I depise it all at once. I love the color and the rain and feeling of refreshment that it brings to the dry California landscape. I love the idea of staying in, by the fire with an amazing book. But I hate being cold and wet and sitting in class for three hours. I hate leaving work in the dark only to go to class in the dark. My day leaves so short and i feel like I am robbed of part of the day. So fall and I have a love hate relationship.
Here's a picture from outside my office window.